I get the feeling that my friends are trying to push me out of the group. I only have like, three friends, and one has moved away. I feel like the ones who are left are trying to get rid of me. I get it, don't get me wrong. I'm constantly broke, and I whine too much. They have more in common with each other than they they do with me.

It's just kind of shocking how much it hurts. I wasn't aware I was that close to them. We're always joking about shoving one another under the bus.

I guess this is pretty much my fault. I've been too self-absorbed. Too busy with school, complaining about my mental disease, too busy with the girls, no money. Whatever. I'll have a job soon, and then I'll pay them back the money I owe them (One, about $50, the other, about the same) and we'll be done. No more obligations.

I'm just...I'm just shocked at how much this is hurting. I think I'm going to cry. And no, I'm not kidding. I think I am. Oh gawd, I am such a fucking idiot. I hate being sick, but I hate that it's helping to ruin my life.